This article is part of a progression
We’ve all grown up with teachings that are less than accurate. And they make figuring out the world difficult at times. One of those teachings that’s pretty ubiquitous is purity and sexuality. It’s February, which means at least 75%[note]Nick’s guess[/note] of youth groups and Bible clubs across the country are starting sexuality and purity series. I’ve wanted to discuss this issue for a while, so I’ve joined the club and will be doing a three-part series on it. I will, however, be going in a completely different direction than most of the other series. I will be discussing how the portrayal of purity and sexuality within most youth groups at best less than Biblically accurate, and at worst emotionally abusive and destructive.
I realized I needed to write this series when I first saw the cover for Alyson Stoner’s new single.
Now, when I first saw it I thought, “she sold out.” Alyson used to be part of Christian projects and when I saw her underboob in this picture, I assumed she had left her Christianity and decided to go all sexual. But why does underboob have to mean that? Why can’t underboob just be an appreciation for her body? Why does it have to be sexual? And, if it IS meant to be sexual, why does that have to be a bad thing? These are the questions that will be propelling this series.
But today we’re going to focus on uneven treatment that sex and purity are given within Christian circles. If male artists were to release shirtless album covers would any Christian accuse him of being over-sexualized or selling out? I highly doubt it.
There’s leftover patriarchy within the church that puts all the blame for sexuality on the woman. Wanna see a shirt I used to own? I’ll show you. It’s kinda tragic, to be honest.[note]excuse the poor quality of the image, it’s the best I could find of me in the shirt[/note]
Yes, this is me in a shirt the says, “modest is hottest” in little heart-accented bubble letters. The worst part of the shirt? EVERYONE knows it’s geared toward women. If a woman is wearing a piece of revealing clothing (or showing her underboob like Stone is want to do), and a man sexualizes it, the church sees that as the woman’s fault. She should wear less revealing clothing. She should dress more modestly. There are many dangers in this.
First, it takes all the accountability away from the men. They aren’t accountable for how they view or treat women.[note]Which has lead to a rape culture where people can justify it with, “she was asking for it wearing that skirt” 24% of people in this poll think that’s the case!!!![/note] It is not the woman’s job to keep the men from undressing her in their mind. She has no control over that. Rather than teaching women to dress modestly to avoid “tempting” men, shouldn’t we teach the men to treat women with more respect?
Second, while it is meant to help women appreciate and value their body, it often does the opposite. Women view their bodies not as something to be prized but something that’s dirty. Even when the education tries to present it as a “present” or “gift” to be given only to one person, hiding it away subconsciously tells us that it’s “dirty” and “undesirable.” Many women who finally have sex after marriage end up filled with regret and shame. They’ve been taught so long to hide their body, and their sexuality, that they don’t know how to do so in a healthy way once they are “allowed” to. And it overwhelms them. Keeping something hidden is never a way to treasure it.[note]Even Jesus tells us this in a parable [/note]
Instead of teaching women to hide their bodies, view them as shameful (even though that’s not the words used, it’s the message that’s given), and blaming them for men’s sexuality, why don’t we teach women to value themselves and their body?
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
WEAR WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL.
WEAR WHAT EMPOWERS YOU.
These are the things we need to be teaching in our church classes on sex. Not, “don’t wear that because it will make boys think of you sexually.” or “don’t wear that because it’s too revealing and you need to hide your body.” That’s shame. Shame is never healthy. We need to teach our women to value themselves first and foremost, and hiding their bodies does not do that.
Now, there’s another side to the patriarchy. Men aren’t taught not to wear or do things the same way women are. Men are allowed to run around shirtless in short shorts for sports practice. In public. I heard from many women in college that this was a problem for them in their mental, sexual purity. But there’s no teaching against that in the church. There’s no talk to men to “be modest so girls don’t lust over you.” Men are almost allowed to do what they want. And, even though Christians typically criticize premarital sex, it’s almost praised when a boy does it (although not officially). The other guys in the youth group see him as some sort of rebel and role model. But if a woman does it she’s seen as dirty and a slut.
Before any church continues to teach on sex and purity in any way, they need to address these issues. There needs to be a standard that’s gender neutral. There needs to be more words of empowerment and encouragement (especially to women) and less of shame and “hide it away for one person.” Anything that is hidden is automatically seen as dirty. There’s no way to deny that.
The human body is beautiful. It deserves to be celebrated and valued. Telling women to hide their bodies does the exact opposite. Allowing men the opportunity to flaunt their bodies only adds to the feelings of shame women have about their bodies. We need to remove these double standards from our teaching and allow everyone to love their body and show it how they see fit.
When we allow women to dress in ways that they choose we will see them grow in their own security. When they wear what they want it makes them feel good and empowered- and that’s what we want for them. We want them to feel like they can do anything. But when we tell them that “modest is hottest” we’re telling them they can’t if they dress in ways that might tempt boys. We’re telling them that they are less important than the boys. We’re telling them they are responsible for the actions of the boys. We’re telling them their bodies are meant to be hidden away. All of this is destructive to their health- mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. We need to stop.
