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We all have things to learn, and none of us react to every situation we face in the way we should, or even want to. In, The Cross in the Closet, Tim Kurek does something I doubt anybody else would do. He recognizes the above and takes drastic measures to fix them. Realizing that his reaction to the homosexual community is one of hatred rather than love, he decides to come out as homosexual for a year (he’s actual hetero). He tells everyone he has ever known and enters the homosexual community in Nashville. This book is the reflection upon that year.
Tim realizes something is wrong when he is confronted with a friend who is being kicked out of her house for being homosexual. Rather than comfort her, he says nothing. But he wants to preach to her. She’s in tears in his arms, and all he can think about is telling her how wrong she is. This was his wake-up call.
In order to understand what homosexual individuals go through in terms of relationships with heteros (especially the church and families), he decided to be homosexual for a year. Not an easy task. He tells his family first and they don’t react well, but they manage. He gets a boyfriend whom he ends up nearly falling in love with, and even becomes a stable in the Nashville gayborhood as they called it.
What he learns and experiences is nothing short of amazing. He finds a community that accepts him no matter what. He finds a place where he can be himself and not have to hide. He could never do that at any of his churches. He finds that his church friends were only his friends when he was a “good boy”. He hears stories of people being disowned by parents, dishonorably discharged from the military, harassed, and more.
What’s more, he finds out how hard it is for someone to hide who they are. While he’s doing this experiment he’s a closet heterosexual. he feels like he’s living a lie. He can’t be honest about himself completely with anyone (save the few friends who know about he experiment) and he constantly has to watch what he does, says, and looks out so as not to “out” himself (which he does on accident anyway). He spirals into depression because of it. At this point, he begins to realize the harm of not being open about who you are that homosexuals face in society today, and realizes why so many of them are prone to attempt suicide. He puts it this way- when people celebrate someone’s coming out, they’re more celebrating the fact that they have one less loss of life than anything else (Nick’s paraphrase).
He also learns a lot about the church. How the love he’s been taught is a conditional love. That he’s been taught hatred grown in fear throughout his life. He learns that being loving doesn’t always mean telling someone everything they’re doing wrong, especially if it’s going to hurt them. The most drastic thing he learns is that homosexuals can be committed Christians, choosing to follow Christ with their life. That was unthinkable to him prior to the experiment.
I don’t want to write too much about the book because I want you to read it. It’s a great read- emotional, funny, moving, quick, honest- and it’ll open everyone’s eyes to things they didn’t quite see/think about before. It’s also a great book because it never gets into the “is it okay to be a homosexual?” question (at least I didn’t think it did) but approached the issue from more of a relational perspective. “They’re people. How do they deserve to be treated as people, even if I disagree with them” and think that’s something everyone can benefit from reading.
Whether or not you’re an ally, opposed, undecided, or don’t give a flip one way or another, you need to read this book if for no other reason than to be moved by the incredible stories within.
