I recently took a trip down to Alabama. It’s a 14ish hour drive (with stops, construction, and traffic). I had planned to listen to Crazy Love by Francis Chan for at least part of the drive. Unfortunately, I was unable to finish. I turned it off about 45 minutes in because the author had gotten into such dangerous thoughts and theologies that I simply could not continue. Without finishing the book, I didn’t feel right doing a book brief about it, but I do need to talk about it still, so here we have this post.
There’s a common (and dangerous) thought process in U.S. Christianity that says that everything can be fixed by prayer. While this may be theoretically true, it simply doesn’t align with the world we live in. And I found Chan’s thoughts on it to be especially dangerous.
He said, to paraphrase, that if someone struggles with 1) anxiety 2) doubt 3) stress, they are intentionally sinning against God and choosing to believe that he isn’t enough for them. I turned him off as soon as he began stating such things. There’s nothing more dangerous than a pastor (someone whom you’re hoping to gain some wisdom) telling you that what you’re doing is intentionally turning from God.
ESPECIALLY when it comes to matters of anxiety and stress. What many Christians don’t realize is that these are actual psychological disorders. I struggle with anxiety. I don’t want to. I know that my anxious thoughts are incorrect. I know that I’m worrying over nothing. But I can’t help it. My mind is my worst enemy. (I don’t want to go too much into this, but for some quotes about anxiety and how hard it is, please visit here.)
Actually, because I know many of you will not visit the outside link, I’m going to highlight some of the best quotes.
“I do realize the things I worry about are ridiculous. Even though I’m aware, I can’t just stop it.” — Erika Strojny Myers
“It’s paralyzing.” — Marlene Pickering
“I don’t want to feel this way.” — Jenny Genoway
“I’m being attacked by something I can’t escape from.” – Sherri Paricio Bornhoft
“It’s not a choice. You don’t choose to have anxiety. It chooses you.” — Patricia Lynn
“All the logic in the world won’t keep my heart from hammering in my chest.” — Rebecca V Cowcill
“My mind is my enemy, so I need you on my side. Sometimes I even need you to fight alongside me.” — Erin Farmer-Perrine
And perhaps the most important, and the one that many Christians leaders such as Chan don’t realize:
“Prayer doesn’t make it disappear.” — Kayla Gosse
Now, if you’ve been taught that anxiety and doubt are bad things and that they can be overcome, let’s discuss this a little further. Yes, the Bible says to have joy in all circumstances. But have you ever heard the phrase, “easier said than done”? This is a perfect example. That’s something that is easy to say, especially from the outside. But you know as soon as you, personally, have an issue that’s hard to find joy in, it becomes difficult. Imagine that happening to you every. single. day. Your anxieties are constantly boiling over and taking over your mind. And you try. You really do. You don’t want to feel anxious. But you can’t help it.
And then someone comes along and says, “oh you just don’t trust God enough” (in more or less words). And what does that do? Honestly, it makes our anxiety worse. Now not only are we freaking out about what we were freaking out about before, we’re stressing because maybe we don’t trust God enough. That’s what our spiritual leaders are saying. We’re anxious because we suddenly feel like inadequate Christians because we aren’t able to just “get over” things like people would expect us to.
THIS IS UNHEALTHY
You cannot expect someone to work through their anxiety if you’re making it worse by telling them they shouldn’t have it.
What’s more, expecting people to be 100% content in all circumstances and not stress, doubt, or worry is counter to the majority of Biblical evidence. We see so many times when people question and test God. What does he do? He is gracious with them. He understands. He works with them. Even Jesus, who knows full well what’s going to happen to him, questions whether or not it must happen. He’s sweating blood he’s so anxious. I know I’ve never gotten that bad. How can we fault other Christians for being anxious when Christ was the most anxious of us all before his crucifixion?
Ultimately, we need to remember that anything we say to anyone, especially when it relates to the faith, needs to be something that brings them closer to God and his love. If someone is dealing with anxiety, telling them they just don’t trust God enough or need to just lay everything on him, or any form of that is not going to help. It’s going to make them worse and feel further from God.
So how are Christians to respond? With grace. Tell us it’s okay to have our thoughts. Help us work through them. Help us cope. This is going to look different for each and every person. Sometimes I just need to talk out my anxieties with someone and he helps me realize how unfounded they are. Sometimes that still doesn’t help. It depends on the situation.
But I do know, without a doubt, that simply telling anyone to trust God, lay it all on him, or any variation thereof is ineffective because it produces the opposite reaction. We know that’s what we should be doing, but our mind isn’t letting us. We’re fighting a battle within ourselves that even we don’t understand. The last thing we need is someone coming in and telling us we’re not doing a good enough job. We need you to tell us to keep fighting. It’s worth it. It will be okay. You’ll be there for us. You support us.
I believe that’s what God’s doing in heaven when we struggle with anxiety. He’s not sitting there thinking, “well, if only you trusted me more…” No. He’s fighting with us. Encouraging us to continue on even when we don’t want to. He’s whispering in our ear, “you got this. I believe in you. It sucks. I know. But I’ve got your back.” Why can’t more Christians follow his lead?
