A feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.
When we talk about pride, it is usually in the context of pride season. That time of year when everyone and their dogs (literally) dress all out in pride swag. And while what pride is is often up for debate, there is no debating the feelings that pride elicits.
Like a sense of community beyond your immediate chosen family. It’s a time when companies and organizations in the community join in. A time when everyone truly is a family. Parades. Festivals. Concerts. Parties. Other group events.((You know.)) There’s something about pride season that brings people together.
Or a sigh of relief that many people feel. Much of the year, the queer community is expected to conform to the rest of society. But pride season allows us to fully express ourselves, authentically and unashamed. It’s a long exhale after you’ve held your breath for too long. It’s coming home from work after a long day and stripping town. It’s the time when people can fully be themselves.
Because this sigh is so deep-seated, it often manifests in eruptions of joy. Parties. Parades. Smiles. Pictures. Laughter. Hugs. Love. People who cussed each other out at the bar the night before are hugging in the streets over their mutual understand of pride.
These feelings during pride are beautiful, and life-affirming. But they are also far from universal. These are the feelings that we as a community focus on (and the anti-culture latches onto and twists) but they are not the only feelings of pride season.
Especially in this political climate, pride makes people scared. They’re afraid of what may happen to them. Perhaps this fear is fueled by things that have happened to them in the past, or simply by things they’ve seen on the news or social media. They’re afraid for their physical safety.
Some who are afraid may be in the closet and worry about how their loved ones will react to the increased representation of the community during pride season. Maybe they won’t be able to hide this year. What will happen if the truth comes out? They’re afraid for their physical and emotional safety.
Still others find pride season, like major holidays, to be a period of great emotional pain, or even depression. They’re hurting because they lost something to pride. Like those who are afraid of what their loved ones will do if they come out, some have faced that and have been left with the heartache of the loss of everything they once held close. Kicked out. Cut off. Abandoned. Whether it is in adolescence or adulthood, initiated by them or by others, being estranged from one’s family is heartbreaking. They’re hurting because they’ve lost what was once their rock.
At the risk of sounding contradictory, we all know that even the family aspect of pride can be exclusive. People who don’t have the right looks, personality, interests, identity, gender expression, socio-economic status, physical abilities, etc., are excluded from the family. They’re hurting because they’re not welcome in the festivities.
And we’d be lying to ourselves if we said we didn’t all feel angry to some degree. Angry that pride has to be a thing. Angry that our friends and family are hurting. Angry that our lives are being used as political pawns. Angry that the people and companies that say they support us are caving to hysteria and intentionally false rhetorics and backpedalling their support. (Yes, some backpedals were done for safety. No, I don’t think that makes them any less disappointing when LGBTQIA+ people are being targeted every day without backing down. Being an ally doesn’t count if you only do it when it is convenient for you.((I once had a pastor tell me that being an ally is hard. I stopped talking to him.))) We’re angry because we can’t live our lives without being a statement.
We could go on and on about the various feelings that pride elicits, but we would be here all day. The truth is, there is not one way to feel pride. All feelings elicited during pride season are valid and deserve to be honored and respected to the same degree. Whether you’re out and proud, in the closet, or an ally, I challenge you to examine your feelings during this pride season, and give the difficult ones the same respect as the easy ones. You deserve it.
And, only if you have the capacity, find people who may be struggling with the painful emotions of pride season. Maybe you’ve worked through the feelings they’re having and can help guide them through their healing. Or maybe you just act as a sounding board for them to unload and process on their own. Whatever works for you and that person. But, if being part of the LGBTQIA+ community is about being a family, it has to also be about helping each other hurt and heal.
